Lots of Changes...

So as most of you know, our lives have been changing like crazy here lately. I feel like we have just now been able to slow down after almost 2 months of chaos. I wanted to start this blog because I just really wanted to share what's been going on in my life. This is probably going to be a LONG first post! :)

Some may know this, but most will not. 

On August 1, Chip and I had just flown back into town from our vacation in Montana when I took a pregnancy test and found out I was pregnant! I was ecstatic! (I took 7 different tests just to make sure.. :) We weren't really "trying" but we definitely weren't preventing it either. And.. if you know me any at all, you know that this has always been my dream. My dream job is to be a mom! So to say I was excited when that test came back positive was definitely an understatement. So as the week went on, I called my doctor in St. Louis and scheduled an appointment. They wanted me to come in when I was almost 8 weeks, so I had to wait another 2 weeks, which was pure TORTURE!! Chip and I were both super excited and were dying to tell our family and friends, but we decided to wait until after the doctor appointment. Chip was graduating 4 days after my appointment so we thought that would be the perfect time to tell everyone. All of our family and close friends would be there and I decided I was going to make these super cute Krazy Daizy frames for everyone announcing the good news. Those two weeks I was feeling great! A little tired, but that's nothing new... When my appointment finally came, Chip couldn't end up going with me because of school, so I was on my own. When I got there, I was so excited, nervous, anxious.. I really had no idea what to expect. When the doctor came in to do the ultrasound, I couldn't wait to see that little baby. So when the doctor looked at me and said, "I can't seem to find the baby" I pretty much freaked. I was so upset, shocked, you name it. But I tried my best to hold it together. I was by myself and didn't want to totally freak these people out. So, the doctor explains to me that this could mean several things... 1) I might not be as far along as I thought (She could see a sac about the size you would see at 5 weeks) or 2) It might not be a "normal" pregnancy. So the doctor scheduled me for blood work that afternoon and then 2 days after that. They wanted to check my HcG levels to see if they were doubling every 48 hours which would mean I probably just wasn't as far along as I thought. 

Just keep in mind, the whole time this is going on, Chip and I are trying to pack to move back to Arkansas and everyone is coming in to town in 2 days for his graduation!!! So now I was not only stressed from the packing and moving but now I had to worry about my baby for 2 more days until I got the results back.

On Thursday, my doctor called me to give me the results. When she said, "I'm afraid I have bad news," I just started bawling! Long story short, she told me I would probably start miscarrying in 2-3 days. Chip graduated in 2 days!!! 

I called my mom almost immediately  (who had no idea I was even pregnant) and of course her and my dad insisted on coming to St. Louis a day early. Like I said earlier, if you know me I have always dreamed of being a mom ( I would've started trying on our wedding night if Chip would have let me!). Well, my mom has wanted to become a grandmother so bad! Ever since Chip and I got engaged, that's all we heard from her. haha "When are you going to have me some grandkids?" So to tell my mom that I was going to miscarry broke my heart even more. I'm not going to lie, she was definitely devastated. But she was also SO encouraging. My mom had two miscarriages between my brother and I, so it was very reassuring to hear her stories.

Moving on..So as graduation week continued and graduation arrived, so did the pain. On a day that is supposed to be one of the most exciting days for my husband, he was having to watch his wife go through a miscarriage both mentally and physically. And some of you are probably thinking.. it's a miscarriage. Tons of people have them. No big deal...

I used to think that too.. But it definitely IS a big deal. It is devastating to have something and someone you have dreamed about your entire life, taken away so quickly. I honestly have never been in so much pain physically or emotionally before in my life. You really just don't understand until it has happened to you. I sure didn't. 

Things are better now. Although Chip and I were both devastated, we have found peace in knowing that God still has amazing plans ahead for us. My mom's favorite verse has always been Jeremiah 29:11: "For I know the plans I have for you, " declares the Lord, "Plans to prosper you and NOT to harm you. Plans to give you Hope and a Future." That verse and Casting Crowns': I Will Praise You in this Storm have been constant reminders that God has not forgotten about us and that there are things more beautiful and more amazing than we can ever imagine in store for us.

I guess with all of this said, I just ask for your prayers that I will get back to full health soon (my HcG levels still aren't back to 0, so more weekly blood work ahead). Chip has been amazing through this whole process and I have been thanking God everyday for bringing him to me! 

I really wanted to talk about Chip's new job, but that will have to be a different post, because this turned out WAY TOO LONG! :) 

-Mallory